All too often I read articles by conservative, American Christians who lament the progress our country has made toward equal treatment and rights for LGBTQIA+ persons: the assumption is that there was some kind of golden era where this “agenda” wasn’t dominating the discussion in religious and political circles. This thought process defers to silence rather than meaningful dialogue with real people who are made in the image of God, and it unintentionally (or perhaps intentionally?) shoos away nuanced, complicated questions that LGBTQIA+ Christians face on a daily basis.
My husband, children, and I have attended a Methodist Church for the past year and a half, and while I was disappointed by the end result of the recent (special) General Conference 2019 on the topic of same-gender marriage rites and ordination of LGBTQIA+ folks, I was not at all surprised. Those who would strengthen restrictive language in the church’s Book of Discipline against LGBTQIA+ persons won the day, but by a slim margin. Since 1972, (when the Methodist Church, and several other denominations as well, added language to their denominational constitutions) human sexuality has received attention every 4 years at worldwide denominational meetings.
Here’s the rub, though: If conservative, American Christians are so adamant about restricting LGBTQIA+ Christians out of “love,” why won’t they put their money where their mouth is?
To this day, despite strong language condemning “the practice of homosexuality,” most denominations have no resources designed to support and encourage the spiritual, emotional, romantic, and sexual healthiness of LGBTQIA+ Christians. ZERO. The closest conservative resource I have seen to date from a denomination is a lengthy document from the Christian Reformed Church in America (CRC, Dutch origin), but even that encourages orientation change as the “best” option. In the United Methodist denomination, we have been debating human sexuality for close to 50 years, but no intentional effort appears to have been put into educational curriculum for dialogue/small group study, counseling, or even for pastors. I posted previously about the unhealthy, harmful consequences of much of the theology and practical treatment of LGBTQIA+ persons. So where are the conservative Christians who are stepping up to the plate to support their LGBTQIA+ Christian brothers and sisters?
Practically speaking, it is entirely fair and in good conscience for LGBTQIA+ Christians to ask the following of conservative, American Christians:
If your theology requires chastity at all costs, will you withhold words of harsh condemnation and instead love me and hold me when I fail, just as you would for your straight friends or family? Will you forgive me when I have multiple “encounters” over the course of my lifetime, because it’s not actively “living in sin” like same-gender marriage would be? Will you refrain from speaking personal words or promoting church activities that celebrate and actively encourage heterosexuality because you know it creates more pain by highlighting my difference?
If your theology requires lifelong celibacy, will your family take me into your home and love me daily as immediate family, as a substitute for the companionship your theology denies me? Will you help dismantle the idol of marriage that is present in many conservative, American churches? Will you help re-focus singles ministries within the church away from the dating scene and instead promote ministry that will encourage and support celibate people in a sustaining and life-giving way?
If your theology silences the struggles of LGBTQIA+ people because it’s an uncomfortable topic, will you speak up for those in your congregation who are hurting? Will you sit down with me over coffee and just listen, without formulating your next rebuttal? Will you invite me over for dinner without the intention to toss Bible verses at me? Will you pray with me and not just about me? Will you be seen talking to me at church? Sitting with me during worship? Will you laugh with me, without fear that people might assume there is some attraction between us?
If your theology directly equates salvation with lifelong celibacy, will you commit to crying out to God with me? Will you just be with me as I scream in frustration and question God’s goodness? Will you help me avoid coping mechanisms that might push me further away from God? Will you help me celebrate the good things I have in my life, even the little things, so I don’t forget that life is worth living and that hope exists for people like me?
If your theology requires orientation change and I simply cannot despite efforts made in good faith, will you actively listen to my daily struggles, invite me to pray with you, and still include me in the life of the church? Will you resist the urge to discredit my Christian faith and call into question my prayer life and Scripture reading routine? Will you address my financial needs if I have paid thousands of dollars for “Christian” conversion therapy at your request? Will you defend my faith when others call it into question? If you want me to marry the opposite gender as an orientation “fix,” will you give me your own son or daughter’s hand in marriage?
If your theology prohibits me from being involved in ministry of any kind, will you believe me when I tell you I’ve always sensed a calling to it? Will you celebrate the gifts with which God has equipped me? Will you find or create other avenues for me to use those gifts and to thrive in the life and ministry of the church? Will you stick up for me when others disparage Kingdom work I’ve done in the past, before I came out? Will you help others to realize that I’m still the same person now?
If your theology prevents me from ministering to the children or youth of the church because of my sexuality, will you remember that some of these very children or youth may be LGBTQIA+ Christians themselves? Will you acknowledge that my sexuality may actually be a gifting from God to minister to kids who are just coming to terms with their own sexuality? Can you resist the urge to stereotype and slander me by equating my desire for companionship and love with sexual perversity with minors? Will you help me when I am anxious and worried about perceptions by reminding me that you still trust me as well as the Holy Spirit’s work through me?
I truly hope that conservative, American Christians will invest their time and effort into thoughtful, nuanced documents, treatises, resources, and educational curriculum for these topics (even if they changed their minds in the process). Until this happens, the willful inaction of conservative, American Christians will continue to push LGBTQIA+ Christians out of the church and away from the very God who created them and loves them.
On the Wings of the Dawn 