Facing the Consequences

I am a huge believer in facing consequences, both as a parent, and as a theologian. With regards to topics of human sexuality and faith, most conservative, American Christians have not addressed the consequences of their restrictive theology. Scripture tells us that we can assess a teaching based on the fruit that it bears:

“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.”

Matthew 7: 15-20, New International Version

What bothers me is how quickly conservative, American Christians are to declare LGBTQIA+ persons categorically sinful because of their sexuality, without any kind of existing relationship with them.  This willful ignorance runs contrary to the gospel and to the teachings of Jesus. Beyond the theology, the poor treatment of LGBTQIA+ Christians by fellow believers is sin because forgets the very heart of Jesus’s radical inclusivity:

“But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.”

Matthew 23: 3-4, New International Version

Below are some of the most common expressions of restrictive conservative, American theology of “homosexuality” and their impact on LGBTQIA+ Christians:

You must always be chaste…because any sexual activity is taken as further proof of your active rebellion against God. You must bear the shame of any sexual activity in silence out of fear of being excommunicated from your church. You’ll feel shameful and dirty because while opposite-gender attraction is actively encouraged in youth group, singles groups, and church in general, your desires will be seen as perverse and against the intent of God’s creation.

You must be celibate for the rest of your life…because your inherent desire for love reflects “the fall” in Genesis and is so inherently flawed and disordered that it must be fought at all costs. Well-meaning church discussions of family, marriage, or relationships may trigger grief, shame, or depression because you are automatically excluded, de facto. While others talk and dream of finding significant others, you stifle these same dreams in yourself and become more lonely the older you grow. No one can truly relate to your struggles, and most of your friends will marry and begin families of their own, leaving you in isolation.

You must not complain about your station in life…because “everyone has their crosses to bear.” Few people will speak to you outside of occasional social formalities. You’ll wonder if you should even go to church any more because of the silent stares.  You’ll slowly stop being invited to coffee or over for dinner once people become aware of your sexuality. Few people will sit next to you in worship, Sunday school, or at church meals, and you’ll constantly have a nagging inner debate about whether it’s because of your sexuality or just poor social awareness on the part of others.

Your salvation depends on your ability to remain celibate for life…because your very existence is an affront to God.  You may become isolated and suicidal because developing a deep relationship with another person could lead to “temptation.” You may become angry and wonder why God placed such a difficult burden on you. You will find ways to numb yourself inside, which may lead to bad habits that warrant further judgment from fellow Christians. Instead of being hopeful for the future, you will find yourself looking forward to death, so your soul can be freed from your wretched body.

You must change your sexual orientation to be worthy before God…because you cannot be LGBTQIA+ and be Christian. Your faith will begin to crumble as you find it impossible to change your orientation and you are told that you didn’t try hard enough, pray enough, read Scripture enough, or pay for enough “Christian” conversion therapy. The very same Christians who promised support when you professed faith in Christ (and later, promised the same when you cautiously came out to them) will turn on you and declare that you were a wolf in sheep’s clothing and never a “real” Christian in the first place. 

You may not be involved in ministry leadership…because your very existence reflects active rebellion against God. Even if you are not sexually active, you may be asked to step down as a pastor, removed from worship band, or quietly relieved of whatever other church duties you have. You find out that if you had kept your orientation a secret, your ministry opportunities would have continued for as long as you lived a lie. Your previous ministry successes may be attributed to your faith before you chose to reject God and embrace sin.

You may not be involved with children or youth at church…because gay people are pedophiles and will also try to recruit children into the “lifestyle.” You may get suspicious glances from adults when you speak with youth, and you will develop acute anxiety any time you find yourself alone with a youth out of fear of being accused of impropriety.

Is it any wonder, then, that LGBTQIA+ people are likely to feel unwelcome in church? And likely to experience mental, emotional, and spiritual health crises? And to consider self-harm or suicide because of the very people who were supposed to reflect and demonstrate God’s love for them? What does God want from conservative Christians who lay these expectations upon LGBTQIA+ Christians?